is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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