i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
