Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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