Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
