I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
