Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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