i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
