Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i love accidental penises.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
