About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
