That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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