rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
