oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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