I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
where are my eyebrows?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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