it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
