my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
