My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
A+ Viking dick
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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