There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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