...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
