i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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