dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
