you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
