i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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