Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize