I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
