My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
