i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
