i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
