I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
