ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
