i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize