I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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