I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
