im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
