You made me cry and you don't even care
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize