I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
