if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think weed is turning my hair brown
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
