I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
