I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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