tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
