yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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