Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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