brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
