Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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