yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
