just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
