He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize