dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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