Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I touched a dick in church today
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
