drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
