oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
