I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
