Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize