I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
