haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
