he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
