if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
