Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
me + whiskey = a bad person
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
