My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
