Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Shame - the story of my life.
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