At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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