Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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