why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
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