i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
