Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
