please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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